Would You Choose This?

I can't believe it has been a little over one week since I self-surrendered to begin my twenty-two month sentence in federal prison. What seems like yesterday also seems like last year. It is funny how time passes when you are on "the inside." Walking to the computer room to write this seemed as long and daunting as the walk I took through the gate on the day I arrived. Long, dark, scary, and filled with uncertainty. But just like that day, today I decided to face my fears and write. To open up my heart, my fears, my home.

It has been a long road. A long, painful, frightening road. Over 30 months to be exact. 30 months of uncertainty. 30 months of tears. 30 months of shame, guilt, and disbelief, among other things. In the midst of building a new company, working, being a mom, wife, daughter, friend, advocate, etc. I silently fought to keep my freedom. Some may think that I lost the battle for my freedom, but I have quickly learned that this is not the case. I may have lost my freedom of choice temporarily, BUT...my spirit is free.

For the first time in my life, I am free to explore the deep depths of my soul. To uncover and rediscover who I am and what I was created to do. To tap into my soul. To return home. To become FREE!

Last night I was posed with the question... WOULD YOU CHOOSE THIS? My initial reaction was “HELL NAW! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD?”

But the deepest part of me said, "ABSOLUTELY!" Why? Because although I do not know what the end looks like, I trust that what is on the other side is greater than I anything I can ask for or even think.

Have the past few days been hard? Absolutely. Has it been hard speaking to my family primarily through emails and limited calls after waiting in long lines? Certainly. Please understand that this in no way has been a walk in the park. Even as I write this, I still feel the shame and embarrassment lingering in the background saying, "Don't do it." My ego says, stay hidden, keep the mask on. But I know that in order to set myself free I must come out of the darkness and stand in the truth; my truth.

"If I told you what I really need. Would your heart and soul say yes? If I told you what is required of thee, would your heart and soul say yes?"

YES!